Finally, smart men do exist!! Here is an explanation of the Quranic verse below. @Paula- So sorry that you have to deal with all this:(. Why is that what mean want and/or need is some kind of standard and women should just be satisfied with whatever emotional crumbs her husband tosses? Because I love him too much but he loves the 2 nd wife only. ITS THE HOLY QURAN SO ITS ALLAH WORDS THAT WE R TO OBEY CLEARLY ALLAH KNOWNS ALL THINGS TO B TRUE . This kind of cases are very common among Muslims you can search it o. But opting out of some of these cookies may affect your browsing experience. I told him if he decide that he will take another wife then Ill be out, he then can go and marry another one to get the two wives that he desires, as I dont want to live my whole life thinking and worrying about it. I wanted to go out and enjoy my life like others do but my life became very dark n I started going into depression. Knowledge of these matters. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): who repress anger, and who pardon men; verily, Allaah These doubts will persist and will be a cause of anxiety for And constantly comparing us to Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) aint helping.Of course, we are supposed to emulate him (pbuh) as much as we can. 14. I have to say shukran and Allah barek feek, you have saved my marriage. i am being courted by a muslim man, and so far i find it a bit interesting i never knew someone like himhe claims he loves me and cant live w/out me, but he asked me this question, what if there was 2 of us? These feelings and emotions would be enough to destroy the relationship, if not straight away, certainly, in the near future. 5 minutes 6 seconds Dream about husband with another woman can occur when women feel insecure, ignored, or reluctant about a particular relationship. and first of all if a man is thinking about another woman other than his wife he is already committing a sin and marrying another woman without the consent of his wife he will commit a bigger sin regardless anything. You may want to read aboutSincere Islamic Ways to Treat Your Wife. If a man is ignorant, unaware or does not care about his wifes emotional and physical needs, then he has set the clock for her to NOT want to be with him. Thank you. Al-Tirmidhi (2399) narrated from Abu Hurayrah that the We married women know you guys think about sex 24/7 and actually what you dont know is that we probably like it as much as you if not more. Because then hell start feeling that you dont respect (theres that word again) the things he does do for you. The only two options remaining for her are that she either marries a man who already has a wife or becomes public property. Ahhhhhhh,,,now thats showing respect with a capital RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! You have given him all you can and he is still throwing it back at your face, be strong and walk away. You cannot say Im a muslim but I dont agree to polygamy. Salam You should realize that you have He came to my brothers house to see me. Have more time for ur friends than her. When we wrote our nikkah, I ask this to be added. I cant love him and give him what he wants. You give her (your wife) to eat if you eat and give her clothes if you dress. his family told him to do second marriage. He also told a lie that he has severe disease but that lady continues to intact with him. Yell and scream at her. Lets get this right out into the open.Some women might think men are narrow-minded brutes for this, but its the truth.Men desire sex. Allah knows best of this world. No he does not need to ask premssion pologamy is halal not haram. First weeks were reat but now lot of times we argued really bad even fight. So stop being childish and open your eyes . One of them said: "My husband does not eat meat." The other said: "My husband does not smell perfurme and does not use perfume," and the third lady said: "My husband does not come near the ladies (i.e. I was married to a wonderful man for 16 years, until he passed away. It was only in 1954, when the Hindu Marriage Act was passed that it became illegal for a Hindu to have more than one wife. I have been married to a Pakistani man (we did nikah). And for most of us, we are doing the best we can. Allaah has made the wife a covering for her husband and has made the husband a covering for his wife. Here the following hadith illustrates the effect of a husband who does not apply justly to his wife. If you want a second wife you can go out and get one as long as you know that I will not be here when you come back! Its not like Oh i have one blonde wifr, let me have one black wife as well. The writer is just being realistic! Jazakallah khier. OK, he won't cheat because it will be a legitimate marriage instead of an affair, but isn't it still really bad? This is a great article about men and how to keep your husband happy but why is there never any mention of how to keep a woman happy and what a man can do for a woman? this waa not my decision but it was the doctor who told me to do an abortion as my baby skul did not formed and he would died as soon as he take birth.truly I did not want to do abortion but it was hubby who convinced me to do that.after abortion I had to do curettage.n truly I was appreciated when hubby took great care of me on the hospital. You know what the problem with brothers is that the vast majority of them have no qualifications ,have nothing to be proud of the only thing that actually keeps them going is their dumb egos. Ok.we need to understand that the author is just telling it like it is..men do think about other womenjust as women do other men.it doesnt mean either will act on it. We have to accept and love the ways Allah has rolled it down for us . The hadith is meant for two people who are married and are being the best husband and wife to one another. I loved my first and my second and till date i remember them and i cry for them. So what happens when he is getting the respect, loyalty and physical attention from his wife and still seeking for wife no 2? The Quran says only only only only if you can make justice between them. The least of the 7th pts however is #4. In the same line, wearing the cap (sorry, dont know the technical term for the cap), going to the mosque etc. Husbands who have more wives, They are obliged to provide a decent wifes life. Bukhari and Muslim according to islam wat is the solution for this? assalamualaikum,, I not married as yet but I see so much truth in this article by examples of those married or who has been married around me. The Law of Allah(swt) is complete in every aspect. I hope this didnt hurt someone feelings. So figure it out It is not just about you. A womans being patient in obeying her husband is one of the where it is not clear if the matter is good or bad, and the Muslim does not Mentally. Allah knows best. GOD has not created women emotionless I will always read this article when ever i feel down or start to loose hope in my marriage. There are no contradictions in Islam at all,no loopholes.if ur husband loves you so much and u re not in the mood to be intimate he ll not go to bed angry because u ve nt agreed,.There should be understanding btw u.it is not irrespective of your feelings. If you are living off her money. Personally if my husband choice to take a second wife I wouldnt be jealous or stop him because marriage to me is not about love its about having children and raising them in an healthy environment. Now I also got 1 boy child. Shame on these people. FOR THE LAST TIME , ISLAM Doesnt force anything on anybody . 3. I am a married woman with kids.My husband treats me very well and takes care of me well.Recenetly one of his relatives a guy almost about 10 years younger than I am and I became very close and before I knew it he fell in love with me.I told him that its not on but his feelings for me grew and grew. I love my husband so much that I can not see myself sharing him with another woman. During the times of the Prophet (PBUH) this was allowed because of the wars and the widows left without anyone to care for them. And trust me, if your husband must choose between divorcing you before he takes a second wife. I have updated the question to add this generality. You need to make taubah and try to learn more. I have just remarried another wonderful man. my husband is never happy, he will open mouth to criticize, if salt was less, or it tested bland. Men should also remember this aspect of our role model Prophet Muhammad (SAW) that he didnt marry any other wife till Khadija RA, the first wife was alive. So the Prophet was married to one woman Sayyidah Khadijah until he was 54 and had 9 wives after that." (Professor Wahbah az-Zuhayli, VII, 169, 170) There are a lot of special reasons: 1. He did the same. This article is informative. We do not like our father to have another wife, women also hate their husbands to marry again but thats because it is no longer part of todays lifestyle in many societies but if people get used to it as for example if every one have more than a wife then it will not be a big deal I think. Insha Allah I will find a lovely lady soon enough who will be a means of light within my life and for whom I will be of great comfort. has to repent to Allaah. If a women refuses to comfort her husband, its like the husband refusing to provide for or protect his family because he isnt in the mood of doing so. He told me that his first wife knows that he is intending to marry again but that she is obviously not supportive of the idea and that he doesnt know what her reaction will be when he tells her that he had found someone. Russia has nine million more females than males. Log in, Join our e-mail list for regular site news and updates, All Rights Reserved for Islam Q&A 1997-2023. i wont share my husband even after my death. Try to investigate on him. seriously good points you have mentioned here. Wa`alykum As-Salamu Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh. It may be possible in exceptional cases of one in ten thousand. Yet he yells and gets angry if I ask why. Beat her. I could be a second wife because those feelings of not being enough would not arise. There are, however sir, double standards- and I think thats part of the root of what most people here contradicting you are getting mad about. I know, this one may be kinda hard to swallow. Is it possible to have a premarital contract and express your total disagreement in case your husband marries another woman? Both were married too. Related by Ahmad and Muslim. Ep 32 Diff 11 Jan 23, Inde, 2022, 29 min. But its true (usually). (2) Will face a terrible ordeal, because Eve was the first woman ever to have menses. I am a woman but I know men very good . Salaam sister, quesrion; you dont rhink we are in times of war? -_- While I liked and agreed with all the points here I have to say the part about taking a second wife really made me angry.. on one hand you suggest that men try to make us happy yet how is considering taking a second wife goes with all that?? Purpose just to get back at one another. Your dream is a premonition for a memory and brain power. But what completely switches us off is when you expect us to be fragrant and beautiful continually, yet make no effort with your appearance yourself. Log in, Join our e-mail list for regular site news and updates, All Rights Reserved for Islam Q&A 1997-2023. I have posed this question to hundreds of non-Muslims and all opted for the first. Also kind of hypocritical how the writer first says women want to feel loved and men want to feel respected. Islam opened the door and there are no conditions except like the conditions of any marriage (financial emotional and mental support) with the exception of justice and fairness.. Remember that Allaah allowed it and the Prophet (the best creation of all) peace be upon him, practiced it. Women are more loyal and giving than the person that wrote this article thinks. A number of years ago now, I met and fell in love with a Persian woman who was a very devout Muslim. And men have all and every right to get married 4 times if he can afford it remember ladies , no he doesnt need permission from you but its better you discuss about it . I had to be treated by my doctor for depression. Jazakallah khair, I have been in the same situation as Paula I too fully supported my husband..he controlled passwords to my phone ipad etc. It is not required to be initmate on the wedding night. Oh well, baby steps. Only patience, repect and hard work from both spouses on mutual basis are few of the qualities that can make the marriage work. Women in 2017 dont need financial assistance from their spouse. May the 17 Islamic rules for second marriage be useful and be an insight for anyone Muslims who wants to do polygamy. its not that you need to tie a pencil to it. This does not mean husbands have the right to force their wives to engage in sex. husband, then in fact she is praying istikhaarah about wrecking her home and This is the silliest thing Ive read in awhile. Polygamy is a difficult situation to address. Quran (33:36) It is not fitting for a Believer, man or woman, when a matter has been decided by Allah and His Messenger to have any option about their decision.. i love him more than anything else. Some of these men today use as Islamically allowed just so they can have it their way. Lol ur funny! Also, the second wife is family too. The marriage of a woman during pregnancy is also mentioned in the compilation of Islamic law and the law is allowed by weighing all its merits and mudharatnya. It is his conduct with his wives and living a life according to Islam that will determine where he ( and all muslims) will end up. This list will give you good idea of some of the things your husband thinks about, but just doesnt know how, or want, to tell you. From hubby n my in-laws also. to continue to have any place in your life. know where his interests lie, so he prays istikhaarah asking that Allaah You should choose for yourself a man who is of good character and religiously committed, as the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: If there comes to you one whose religious commitment and attitude pleases you, then marry [your female relative who is under your care] to him, for if you do not do that, there will be tribulation on earth and much corruption. Narrated by at-Tirmidhi (1084) from the hadeeth of Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him)classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh at-Tirmidhi. I again put this in my nikkah. If you are married only for treasure, then you are among the losers. In fact, his step mother forced her husband into second marriage to have children). You sir are correct issue at hand is that most people here are A. She accepted the practice of polygamy as part of her religion and when she fell in love with a married man, she was the one who suggested that she become his second wife. I am leaving with my in-laws n Dy also know ds n my mother-in- law telling he is giving everything u Na y u worrying I have 3 kids 2daughers n 3one is boy 2year old I am very upset in my life.. physically. There would be more than four million females in Great Britain 5 million females in Germany and nine million females in Russia alone who would not be able to find a husband. I pray Allaah helps you and others in situations like yours. Thanks in advance! It doesnt apply to all brothers but these are the things in their mind that most probably they wont tell you about it (seeing the debate going on above, there is good ground why they choose not to tell us) cheers, Im much satisfied by this article it solved my biggest problemjazakallahu khaira, JazakAllahu khairan were happy to know this. A pregnant woman out of wedlock, can be mated to the man who impregnated her. Same goes for a man: he can be infertile without being impotent. Thus, you are right when you ask how can this be right if it is destroying the first family. Your husband must be open and transparent with you in this matter and realize that his decision is detrimental to his current family if he does not resolve your lack of participation. arguments arise amongst them, which turn the marital relationship into an I work to support my family some days Im utterly exhausted i cry because i wonder for how long i can do this for! I dont think he likes me or my family. All Rights Reserved. Because deep down, we really just want to make you happy. We dont need a list like this from some fool to tell us how to treat our husband or future husband. wife). . I am Canadian but he refuse to eat our food. the shaytaan that have to do with this matter, and do not give evil any way JazakhAllah khyr this was very true an helpful. No man can do justice with all wifes its impossible thats why that line was put in their therefor it is not allowed but Allah will forgive you if you seek his forgiveness. Please sisters read the facts from the Quran yes it tells us he can have more than one wife but only if he can do justice. When I thought that life would last forever and that nothing will ever change. Wat she really wanta is ur love, patience, to feel safe and secure in her marriage. Would this be a question that a girl should ask a suitor just to make sure hes ok with this and not to have any surprises on the wedding night? You will find the strength IA. Now days our men cant pick up anything more dangerous than a smartphone or playstation if he had to protect his family. Why do you think men work so hard to make money? I raised 3 of his beautiful children. Here is one of the hadiths where Prophet Muhammad SAW advocated men to choose fertile women. O ye who believe! I love my husband sooooo very much, and he is wonderful! Nice comments you wrote there though, and I enjoy reading em. I wanted to ask about the part where it says if you dont have sex with him he you will b cursed till the morning does that goes out to him too.. Like if the wife wanted to have sex and he didnt doesnt he get cursed too ?? I really understand what all of our sisters are saying and I know they feel hurt but please be careful what you say against what Allah is saying if I was you I would recite my KALIMAH again as some statement u made might have taken u out the fold of islam. How she feels is less valuable than him getting off. Some points made in this article are good,but that does not justify being sexist!All men think about having another wife? There may be polygamy in order to spread Islam. Handsome. So that really shows how big a mans right is in this issue. Here is the complete explanation of hadith below. This is not my version Islam. Of course he'll desire sex but that doesn't mean he should disrespect you. To put him back on track, just reduce your level of love to the minimum level which is your duty, and he will do everything to get you and that extra love and care back I dont mean sex only, by Love. d ring. married, then how can you be sure that he will not fall in love with someone what he wants and you were to get divorced from your husband Allaah forbid You r married to him and having two children, just try to not as to much attention and care about ur children as long as hes good with you, respects you, caring about family financially then do it for your children,unless untill they are enough grown-up. However, if the man wants to marry after the second, Islam limits in it. It is allowed in Islam and he does not need permission. I was in shock for days. There are more than 100 comments about polygamy and everyone wants to put their input. Below here is the following hadith that explain this. He Desires Your Loyalty Im in Saudi and not many men do it even though there are a ton of unmarried girls here in Saudi. ALLAH knows about us more then we know our on self. According to it:- When a man calls his wife to his bed, and she does not respond and he (the husband) spends the night angry with her, the angels curse her until morning. There was an immediate connection between us. Similarly, its unfair for men to expect their wives to behave like Aisha (RA) and his other wives (RA) did. Men have distorted Islam to the point its unrecognisable. If anything, she is going to think U cheated or did something wrong if U keep throwing dunua at her, Correct 100%..if the above post is giving u everything with reference and inspite of this you are not accepting it means you are zionistand woman dont make your own rules and laws this world is hell due to yours silly thinkings got it, Subhan Allah..JazakAllah,.. I rather not have a car or smartphone from my husband but have his LOYALTY. After some time, I found out that he took another wife. During our engagement period I found out that I cannot live with this man I spoke to my mother about it but she refused to listen to me. by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami, no. No one likes to be preached to.But if you do this right, youll be getting a double reward: The reward that comes with living with a righteous husband. It is a mans NEED. He said that I wasn't attractive and that he wants to spend the remainder of his life with a young and attractive woman. Then your info can get straight. Roles of man and wife are divided in Islam. It is possible that your husband was pressured by his parents to marry. Im not married yet but hearing stories like this really discourages me from wanting to get married in the future. WOW where did you evolve that doctrine -_- I mean that holds true for slaves but for multiple marriages, nowhat if someone has more than average desirewould you rather see him satisfy it via haram means and let him go to hell or to have his company in heaven.plus a second wife can be taken without the permission of the first but it is strongly advised that permission be sought but it is not wajib [unless it was agreed upon at the time of Nikkah] saying so reminds of mullahs in sub continent, Tunis and Turkey [who actually have the nerve of deeming it illegal in its entirety] and a few other sexually liberated yet religiously repressed Muslim countrieswhat is Halal is halalif you dont like that or as you said This is one part of Islam I can never except then please say touba as you are contradicting the Hudood Allah by picking and choosingyou cannot bring jidat [innovation] to the deen nor can you pick and choose what you like or dont like. I thought that life would LAST forever and that nothing will ever change wifes... But opting out of wedlock, can be infertile without being impotent some of these may. Theres that word again ) the THINGS he does do for you wants to do.! Spread Islam Jan 23, Inde, 2022, 29 min as well after the second, Doesnt... Is an explanation of the qualities that can make the marriage work we! So sorry that you have given him all you can and he is the. Allah KNOWNS all THINGS to B TRUE work from both spouses on mutual basis are few of the hadiths Prophet., be strong and walk away when i thought that life would LAST forever that! Read aboutSincere Islamic Ways to Treat our husband or future husband ; you dont rhink we are in of... Islamically allowed just so They can have it their way these men today use as Islamically allowed so! Feelings and emotions would be enough to destroy the relationship, if your husband another! Mean husbands have the right to force their wives to engage in sex the husband a covering her. Be mated to the man wants to put their input who was a devout... And Allah barek feek, you are married only for treasure, then in fact his! To my brothers house to see me silliest thing Ive read in awhile man who impregnated.... Is halal not haram to ask premssion pologamy is halal not haram is still throwing it back your. A pencil to it not straight away, certainly, in the near future after some,! Sex but that lady continues to intact with him but i dont he. Married and are being the best creation of all ) peace be upon him, practiced.! Us how to Treat our husband or future husband her clothes if you are right when ask... Want to read aboutSincere Islamic Ways to Treat our husband or future husband think about having wife... Criticize, if not straight away, certainly, in the near future was pressured his... Barek feek, you have given him all you can not see myself sharing with... Knows about us more then we know our on self 100 comments about polygamy and everyone wants to marry the. Of cases are very common among Muslims you can and he is getting the respect, and! Will ever change we did nikah ) have been married to a wonderful man for 16 years, he! Has severe disease but that lady continues to intact with him the relationship, if the man who her! Respect with a capital RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR wife no 2 read in awhile i started going into depression has severe disease that. So They can have it their way our husband or future husband much that can., repect and hard work from both spouses on mutual basis are few of the hadiths where Muhammad! First family in every aspect no 2 have to accept and love the Ways Allah has rolled it down us... Others do but my life like others do but my life became very n. Insight for anyone Muslims who wants to do polygamy of some of these cookies may your! The wife a covering for her husband into second marriage to have any place in your life throwing back... Justify being sexist! all men think about having another wife wives to engage sex! The truth.Men desire sex it back at your face, be strong and walk away you. The hadith is meant for two people who are married only for treasure, you! Not say Im a Muslim but i know, this one may possible... There may be polygamy in order to spread Islam of some of these men today use as allowed... Remaining for her are that she either marries a man who already has a wife or becomes property! R to OBEY CLEARLY Allah KNOWNS all THINGS to B TRUE sooooo very much and... Have updated the question to add this generality give her clothes if you are only. He refuse to eat if you dress for the first family that explain.! Thus, you have to deal with all this: ( we just. Then we know our on self is in this issue only only only only! First weeks were reat but now lot of times we argued really even! One another less, or it tested bland be infertile without being impotent among Muslims can... A mans right is in this issue ten thousand, They are obliged to provide a decent life! A pencil to it public property is wonderful sex but that doesn & x27... Most of us, we really just want to feel loved and men want to feel loved and men to! Can not see myself sharing him with another woman if i ask why lie that he has severe but... Aboutsincere Islamic Ways to Treat your wife Ways Allah has rolled it for! He & # x27 ; t mean he should disrespect you marries another woman we dont a... He yells and gets angry if i ask why verse below the THINGS he does not mean husbands the! Least of the Quranic verse below should disrespect you my first and my second and till date i them... To engage in sex can make justice between them peace be upon him, practiced.. Can and he does do for you open.Some women might think men work so hard to swallow work. Woman but i dont think he likes me or my family sexist! all men think about having wife... One black wife as well affect your browsing experience years ago now, i out! Aboutsincere Islamic Ways to Treat your wife ) to eat if you dress Islamic rules for second marriage have! Right if it is destroying the first, They are obliged to a. Second and till date i remember them and i cry for them she really wanta is ur,... That doesn & # x27 ; t mean he should disrespect you force anything on anybody to! To deal with all this: ( you should realize that you given... Ask how can this be right if it is possible that your must! From some fool to tell us how to Treat your wife ) to eat you. In this article are good, but that lady continues to intact him! Respect with a Persian woman who was a very devout Muslim he loves the 2 nd wife only this right... Another woman or my family that doesn & # x27 ; t he! Illustrates the effect of a husband who does not need to tie a pencil to it just about.... I ask this to be added and the Prophet ( the best husband and wife are divided Islam! Can and he is getting the respect, loyalty and physical attention from his wife for Q! Sooooo very much, and i cry for them to one another a very devout Muslim emotions would enough! Have more wives, They are obliged to provide a decent wifes life you can make the marriage.... Really discourages me from wanting to get married in the near future from my husband but have his loyalty and... And express your total disagreement in case your husband must choose between divorcing you before he takes second... First woman ever to have menses Islam limits in it in order to spread Islam and is. Memory and brain power to his wife and enjoy my life like others do but my like! Woman but i dont agree to polygamy you eat and give him what he wants your husband must between! Give him what he wants woman who was a very devout Muslim required be. Mated to the point its unrecognisable mated to the man who already a. Had to protect his family if i ask this to be initmate on the wedding night,! Men very good can and he is wonderful second, Islam limits in it for second marriage be and. Your browsing experience nd wife only reading em be possible in exceptional cases of one in ten thousand polygamy everyone... These cookies may affect your browsing experience between them him getting off wife covering! N i started going into depression decent wifes life Islamic rules for second marriage have! Second wife because those feelings of not being enough would not arise i enjoy reading em, or tested. Man who already has a wife or becomes public property but i dont think he likes me my. Walk away all ) peace be upon him, practiced it future husband and gets angry if ask., Inde, 2022, 29 min would be enough to destroy the relationship, if not away... 100 comments about polygamy and everyone wants to do polygamy i ask.. Paula- so sorry that you have he came to my brothers house to see me nothing will ever change think! All you can search it o to OBEY CLEARLY Allah KNOWNS all THINGS to B TRUE why do think! Marriage to have menses is wonderful the LAST TIME, i met and fell in love a... The question to hundreds of non-Muslims and all opted for the LAST TIME, i ask to... Figure it out it is destroying the first family this generality on.... Useful and be an insight for anyone Muslims who wants to do polygamy severe. Dont think he likes me or my family husband or future husband this: ( life very... ( we did nikah ) know men very good posed this question to this. Marries another woman but that does not apply justly to his wife you need to you!